Are You Tired of Being Negative All The Time?
Learn the key to break the power of painful memories through understanding the Bible and your brain.
By Karla Hardin, MS LPC
Memory is such a funny thing.
I spend a lot of time trying to remember things that are important to me while at the same time trying to forget things that keep popping back up even though I don’t ever want to think about them again.
Understanding our bodies’ design helps bring some understanding as to why this happens to us all. Our brain uses memory for one primary purpose – to keep us safe. It not only focuses on keeping us physically safe, but emotionally and relationally safe as well.
With safety as our brain’s number one goal, the best way to protect us is to remember all the times that something harmed us (so we will remember to look out for that kind of thing and avoid it in the future)! Good memories and “to-do” lists don’t usually stick with us as well as a negative memory will because we are not in danger from a good or routine memory.
Actually, we all have a “negative-biased” brain. Meaning that our brain is always looking and focusing on the negative as a means of trying to prevent every kind of possible harm.
In other words, you and I wake up each day with a biological leaning to look at the bad or potential bad in our day. To have a good day we must corral that thinking before it ruins our day by causing us to be fearful, sad, or angry about all the possible things that can harm us.
I remember when I first understood how our brain worked. It made sense to me why so many people are always focusing on the negative instead of enjoying the positive things in their lives. It also makes sense that when we have been hurt in our relationships, we then can start to see all our relationships as potentially hurtful or letting us down. Life can get pretty miserable pretty fast if we start seeing everything and everyone as a potential for pain and loss.
So, are we all destined to being negative people who ruminate on the painful memories in our lives and only focus on avoiding potential harm?
Thank goodness – No! I am happy to report that part of God’s redemption plan included a remedy for seeing our world and those in it as a threat to our joy and happiness.
Drum roll… the key to breaking the power of painful memories and our biological bias towards the negative is…
CHOICE.
In the Bible we learn so much about the power of choice. Over 250 times we are told to remember. We are told to remember:
Who God is
What He has done in the past,
What He promises to do in the present and future
And… He is with us always.
There are also things God tells us to forget.
“Forgetting what lies behind” holds a lot of categories of things like unforgiveness, unrealistic expectations, failures of self and others, false sense of identity, worldly approval, unrectified wrongs, and the list can go on. And as many of verses in the Bible point to the fact that forgetting is also a CHOICE.
I think two of the most powerful examples of choosing and not choosing to remember and/or forget are -Joseph and the Children of Israel.
My daughters and I were reading through the Bible in a year-long plan so we could all discuss what we were learning this past year. One of the “standouts” to us in the Old Testament was how irritating the children of Israel were.
We could not believe how God showed up for them time and time again and not only did they forget it almost instantly, but they continued to ruminate on all the negative memories they had in the past. Sadly, their choice to not remember who God was, is, and promised to be, resulted in a negative, self-focused, and resentful lifetime.
Then you have Joseph, who was betrayed by his family, suffered unjustly, falsely accused yet still chose to remember who God is, His promises, and chose to forget all the painful memories while he received his family back into a loving relationship. He was blessed, honored and rewarded and the rest of his lifetime reflected his choice.
Which life do you choose?
God amazingly gives you and I the opportunity to live a supernatural, triumphant life in the midst of sin, suffering, evil and injustice…but so many of us choose the opposite.
Joseph’s life was not spared from the reality of living in this world any more than yours or mine is and yet he showed us we can go through such a life and not end up negative, reclusive, and bitter.
3 practical tips for taking charge of your brain and changing that natural negative bias:
1. Select a few verses that remind you of who God is, what He has done and what He promises to do for His children. Put these is your phone and start each morning with reading them and just soaking in the truth they reveal.
2. Spend just 60 seconds at the end of the day thinking on things you are really grateful for –big or small. It can be for the way you enjoyed a cup of coffee to grateful for specific people in your life.
3. Reflect regularly on the power of God to override all pain and evil in this world. *This is the secret weapon of freedom for believers –He overcomes all!
“Don’t you see, you planned evil against me, but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people.” Genesis 50:20-21
“And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
Commit this year to exercise your choice on the power you give to your memories to determine your lifetime!
Karla Hardin is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Trauma Specialist for Hardin Life Resources and Workshop leader and developer for Business and Professional Outreach, Intl. (BPO).
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