Addiction: Reclaiming Your Life

“Real recovery is the RECLAIMING of the life God intended.”

By Philip K. Hardin, M.A., M.Div.

By Philip K. Hardin, M.A., M.Div.

Addiction! Let’s begin with music! I believe in the power of music to awaken my heart. King David was a musician and poet – he was described as “a man after God’s own heart.” One of my favorite hymns is “I Surrender All” by Judson Van DeVenter (1855-1939).

All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
I surrender all,
all to thee my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

Van DeVenter wrote in his journal:

“The song was written while I was conducting a meeting at East Palestine, Ohio. For some time, I had struggled between developing my talents in the field of art and going into full-time evangelistic work. At last, the pivotal hour of my life came, and I surrendered all. A new day was ushered into my life. I became an evangelist and discovered down deep in my soul a talent hitherto unknown to me. God had hidden a song in my heart, and touching a tender chord, he caused me to sing.”

Surrender is a critical part of recovery because control is a foundational dynamic to any addiction. A teaching mentor of mine, Dr. David G. Benner—internationally known psychologist, author, and wisdom teacher, says: “Our real addiction is not to things like alcohol, drugs, or pornography but to control. We desperately try to control our feelings, our impulses, our selves. We use substances and ritualized behaviors as ways of distracting ourselves from what we seek to avoid—our failure, shame, and brokenness. The things to which we seem to be addicted are the masks behind which we hide our real addiction. We are most deeply addicted to the illusion of control. We are all addicts. We are all addicted to playing god.”

God has built into each of us a natural longing to surrender. This deep desire is, of course, opposed by an often equally strong wish to avoid surrender. Dr. Benner describes this dynamic: “Somehow we know that we are neither the center of the universe nor should our ego be the center of our being. At some deep level of spirit, we know that we were meant to live in alignment with forces transcendent to our self. We long to be able to face the uncertainty and uncontrollability of life with confidence and with a sense of safety that can never be delivered by the inflated ego pretending to be god. We long to be able to put our trust in someone or something greater than us.”  

Therefore, recovery is the minute by minute, hourly, daily moving from control to trust and surrender.

Recovery is NOT the stopping of whatever the addiction is, but Real Recovery is the RECLAIMING OF THE LIFE GOD INTENDED.

I let go of being controlled by the addiction and surrender to a power greater than me. I know that power to be Jesus!

The brain works from the right brain to the left brain. Emotional pain is stored in the right brain and must be addressed. Trying to heal addiction from a left-brain perspective is an activity of “becoming a circus animal” –like learning to bounce a ball on your nose or jump through a hoop. That kind of approach is just changing behavior. Real transformation occurs when our heart is changed through emotional attachment or connection. All healing is relational.

I offer these 5 specific steps toward overcoming addiction—reclaiming your life. It’s time to take charge of your life! All recovery is about connection —emotional attunement. Attunement is defined as being or bringing into harmony; a feeling of being one with another human being. These steps can help you assess your recovery.

1. Respect

Respect for yourself. Taking charge of your life starts with self-respect. Let go of the shame by connecting with others who will listen to your story and offer the grace that will cover your shame. You will need to have others “look you in the eye” and tell you that you have value, and you are loved in order to gain your self-respect.

2. Honesty

Honesty means truthfulness, vulnerability, and speaking from a place of integrity. Taking charge of your life means facing the fears of rejection for being less than perfect. Own your failures with humility and courage. As you tell the truth with others and they accept you, your honesty will be the fuel toward your reclaiming your life.

3. Trust

You must find a safe place. Trust is formed when we experience consistency, predictability, and reliability with others. A community of grace will form the foundation for you to overcome the pull to hide, avoid, and control your life through addiction. A safe place is a “condemnation free zone.”

4. Time

The help you need will come best in the form of relationships. Developing friends is a process. Valued relationships need time. Make the pursuit of friendships a priority. You will fail alone. With friends—living in community, you can reclaim your life.

5. Forgiveness

Real forgiveness is not about forgetting. It means to remember and let go. First, make the choice to face the process of receiving forgiveness from God and others. I do not believe we can forgive ourselves. Forgiveness is received. Secondly, let go of the anger that often fuels addiction by forgiving those who have hurt you or failed you.

Finally, remember: Addiction is healed in community—not will power. Surrender is the first step toward healing. Stop running and start on your knees. Reclaiming your life can begin with phrases like: “I give up.” “I can’t do this.” “I need help.”

Take charge of your life.