3 Questions to Ask Before You Quit Your Goals

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC

Do you feel ready to quit your goals for 2021 before you even really started them? Maybe you’re like me and you’ve yet to write them at all…

“Without vision, the people perish”

Proverbs 29:18

I grew up in a goal-setting family who very much lived by this verse. Dreaming, hustling, and trusting God are foundational parts of how we live –with vision. However, this year, it has felt harder than ever to put pen to paper.

Christmas Eve, our family reflected on the last year and wrote down where we want to see our ministry grow in 2021.

I found myself sitting there, with feelings of bitterness lurking in the background. This was not the year I imagined for myself and in that moment, though I knew it was a part of God’s plan for me, I felt deceived by Him and frustrated with my circumstances.

All of us are tempted by bitterness.

Maybe you don’t have the partner you wanted, the job or position you imagined, the children you prayed for, you’re in a season of singleness that has lasted longer than you thought, you feel God misled you…that he allowed suffering with no redeeming. You’re unhappy with an area of your life, and it seems to consume all of your life.

We all have those earthly circumstantial-type beliefs that if I got this, then I would feel happy, fulfilled, safe, loved –[fill in the blank].

These beliefs typically stem from hurts from the past and lies we believed about ourselves or others that we desire to see redeemed. (See more on this here.)

What typically happens when we get locked into these “if only” beliefs is that we begin to come up with our solutions to fulfill the desires of our heart. We start problem-solving and working hard to achieve the one thing we believe will satisfy us and right our wrongs or the wrongs done to us.

The second thing we do (sometimes subconsciously) is that we begin imagining that these solutions need to occur by a certain time -on our timeline.

For example, If I put in the work, I will be through this trial by [_]; I (or a loved one) needs to be healed from this illness by [_]; we will have kids by [_]; I will be married by [_]; the business will grow and start making money by [_]; I will lose this weight by [_]; this hardship shouldn’t last longer than [_] –And the list goes on.

We have unrealistic timelines and solutions to the problems in our lives because God isn’t delivering in the ways we think he should. We feel entitled.

This mindset invites all of us to feel discouraged, resentful, and bitter. It’s also a BIG red flag that our paradigm needs a shift.

The Bible and the field of psychology backup the principle that planning and goal setting are great for our mental health and thriving as a human –so we know it’s good for us. However, we tend to fall into 1 of 3 categories:

1. The “Gun it and Go-ers”

Those who approach goal setting fully committed to the process, no matter the cost.

2. “Defeated before I begin.”

Those who feel the process of setting and achieving goals is so daunting and not worth the sacrifice of comfort.

3. “Bitter and jaded”

And there are others, like me, who feel burned by goal setting and think “what’s the point?”

But no matter how you start, it can all end badly.

When the basis of our setting goals (or not setting goals) is focused on our plans, solutions, and timelines we get off track.

So Christians, consider these 3 QUESTIONS before you throw goal-setting out the window:

1. What feelings or fears drive my goal setting?

2. What is God’s purpose for my life?

3. How can I set goals based on His priorities over mine?

When I took time to reflect on these three questions, I was reminded that God’s ultimate goal and purpose for my life is for me to become more like Him and to share the hope that I have in Jesus –that there is MUCH more to life than the here and now.

So, as I realign my vision and plans with His, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually —I experience greater endurance that produces my character and gives me hope beyond just achieving a smaller pant size.

God is in the business of transformation -a process of a thousand little moments and choices he uses to grow us, mature us, and change us.

I encourage you to realign your goals to His purposes and protect yourself from discouragement, bitterness, and burnout to make this the best year yet!

GOAL SETTING RESOURCES:

Goal ideas for each area of your life -Click here.
Goal setting worksheet (4 Circles). Click here.

Audrey Hardin is a Staff Therapist and Speaker at The Center for Integrative Counseling and Psychology in Dallas, TX.

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