Do You Have Enough “Sticky Stuff” In Your Life?

“Don’t settle for a life without meaningful relationships as it is no life at all!”

By Karla Hardin, MS LPC

By Karla Hardin, MS LPC

This question has really surfaced for me in this “season” of social isolating. For health reasons we have all tried to socially distance in every area of our lives. We don’t go to church, weddings, funerals, restaurants, team sports and the list goes on.

But what has not been addressed that I think is of equal importance is how harmful it is to our mental health to be void of connection in relationships.

Being connected to others in meaningful relationships is the “sticky stuff” in life. 

Being deeply seen and valued by others is what helps you and I get through hard challenges personally and professionally. The “sticky stuff” holds us together and builds hope and resilience. We find strength when another person hugs us and says, “I am here for you” and “You are going to make it!” 

Science and biology also back up the fact that we can’t fully develop and thrive without relationships!

Hugging and other forms of nonsexual touching cause your brain to release oxytocin, known as the "bonding hormone." This stimulates the release of other feel-good hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin, while reducing stress hormones, such as cortisol and norepinephrine. These neurochemical changes make you feel happier and less stressed!

Research suggests that being touched can also lower your heart rate and blood pressure, lessen depression and anxiety, boost your immune system, and even relieve pain. (dignityhealth.org)

Simply put, being touched boosts your mental and physical wellness.

Research also correlates physical touch with the following important areas:

1. Decreased violence. Less touch as a child leads to greater violence. American developmental psychologist James W. Prescott proposed that the origins of violence in society were related to the lack of mother-child bonding.

Child developmental research illustrates that the absence of physical bonding and healthy attachment between an adult and child may result in lifelong emotional disturbances.

2. Greater trust between individuals. Touch helps to bond people together.

Daniel Keltner, the founding director of the Greater Good Science Center and professor of psychology at University of California, Berkeley, cites the work of neuroscientist Edmund Ross, who found that physical touch activates the brain's orbitofrontal cortex, linked to feelings of reward and compassion.

Our skin contains receptors that directly elicit emotional responses, through stimulation of erogenous zones or nerve endings that respond to pain, according to researchers Auvray, Myin, and Spence.

3. Economic gain. Keltner links economic benefits to physical touch, probably because “touch signals safety and trust; it soothes. Basic warm touch calms cardiovascular stress. It activates the body’s vagus nerve, which is intimately involved with our compassionate response.” NBA teams whose players touch each other more, for example, win more games.

I hope in these few examples you are seeing what we need more of, especially in this season.

Currently…

our country is wrecked by fear, distrust and void of compassion.

Our digital advancements already diluted our face-to-face relationships, but our season of social isolation further robs us of our “sticky stuff”.

So, what can we do to reclaim the power of relationships back into our lives?

FIRST,

We need to make the commitment of finding and maintaining meaningful relationships. This is not looking for more superficial acquaintances but finding those we can truly share our real selves with and know they are on our team.

Don’t settle for a life without meaningful relationships as it is no life at all!

God said it was not “good for man to be alone”.

Ephesians 4 says that we must have what one another offers in relationship to grow in love. Hebrews 10 states that we must never quit being involved with one another –and it must be on a regular basis. Our very design was modeled after God’s relational self as seen in the triune Godhead.

BOTTOM LINE: Life is relationship –we must fight to gain it and not let it go!

SECOND,

Become the person you would like to have a relationship with.

Learn how to actively listen, ask meaningful questions and express care and compassion with where people actually are.

Start today and deepen your relationships.

THIRD,

Touch more.

Pats on the back, elbow hugs may be all you can do with most people right now, but do that at least! Then for those in your own household, give lots of hugs, hand-holding and stroke the face of those you love.

Do not let this pandemic change your value system. God used touch to heal every form of hurt throughout history and we must hold on to it!

For life to be fulfilling in the way it was designed, we need the “sticky stuff”.

Start today and assess where you are and start investing in lifelong “ooey-gooey” relationships!

Karla Hardin is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Passionate Living Counseling and Trauma Specialist for Hardin Life Resources

Click below to SHARE with a friend: