When God Doesn’t Come Through the Way You Wanted

How to process the confusion and doubts and not lose hope.

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC-S

Few things shake us more than believing God will move in a certain way—only to watch the opposite unfold. When that happens, the questions run deep. Did I hear Him wrong? Did He forget me? Does He even care? Can I really trust Him?

Life has a way of testing what we believe about God.

You may have worked tirelessly toward something—success, health, love, approval—only to watch it collapse. That moment of disappointment doesn’t just sting; it reshapes how we see ourselves, others, and even God himself.

If I’m honest, I’ve seen past pain in relationships distort my belief that God created me worthy of love and being chosen, resulting in self-doubt around others as well as the Lord.

What about you?

· What have you been striving for that ended in failure or loss?

· How did it shape your view of people?

· More importantly, how has it shaped your view of God?

Four Distorted Beliefs We Fall Into

When our prayers seem to go unanswered and the suffering season lingers longer than we think it should (or at all), many of us start living in distorted beliefs about God without even recognizing it:

1.    I don’t believe He really can do what I ask, but I’ll praise Him anyway.

2.    I believe He can, but I don’t believe He will.

3.    I believe He can and He will, but when He doesn’t, I lose hope.

4.    I believe He can and He will for others, but not for me.

Recently, I realized I fall into the second distorted belief: not believing that God will.

Deep down, I’ve doubted that He would come through in the area of my deepest longings. And in that place, I’ve found myself becoming more like Sarah in Genesis—taking matters into my own hands when waiting felt unbearable. Like her, I tried to “help God out,” driven more by fear than by trust.

Do any of these responses resonate with your current reality?

Biblical Reflection

The story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3 offers us a picture of what unshakable faith looks like. Facing the fiery furnace, they declared:

“The God we serve is able to deliver us… and He will deliver us. But even if He does not, we will not bow down.”

Their faith carried three dimensions: He can, He will, and even if He doesn’t. 

This is the posture God invites us into—a trust rooted not in outcomes, but in His unchanging character.

Moving Back to Truth

When you notice yourself in one of the four patterns, don’t stop there.

God invites us to shift our gaze from our circumstances back to who He truly is.

Here’s how:

1.    Pause and Name It
Recognize which pattern you’re in. Say it out loud: “Right now I’m believing God can, but not that He will.” Naming it brings awareness and interrupts the spiral.

2.    Return to the Word
Our feelings shift, but God’s Word anchors us. Search for Scriptures that remind you of His promises (e.g., Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 41:10, Romans 8:28, Philippians 1:6, Matthew 7:11, Psalm 84:11. Declare them aloud over your life.

3.    Pray with Honesty
Like the father in Mark 9:24, pray: “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” Confession opens the door for God to meet you in your weakness.

4.    Invite Community In
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stood together in the fire. We aren’t meant to wrestle alone. Share with trusted friends who will remind you of truth when you forget.

5.    Choose Praise Anyway
Worship is a weapon. When you choose to praise in the middle of the trial, your perspective shifts, and your heart remembers who God is.

Living Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego

This is the posture that strengthens our faith:

· He can – We know God is powerful and able to do all things.

· He will – We trust His goodness and promises over our circumstances and timeline. He will answer, give, save, heal, redeem, and provide.

· Even if He doesn’t – We anchor our faith in His character, not in the outcome.

This is the tricky one. “Even if he doesn’t”…Consider the tools in the hands of a surgeon: all tools are used for good –to help the patient. No tool is viewed better than another even if one cuts and another binds up.

God sees suffering and blessing as equally valuable in his children’s lives.

As we practice these steps, we begin to loosen the grip of distorted patterns and grow into a steadier kind of faith—a faith that can face the fire and still say with confidence, ‘We won’t bow down.’”

And here lies the freedom to live as Paul talks about in Philippians 4:12 --above our circumstances.

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

Philippians 4:12 NIV

Closing Prayer

Lord, I confess that I have often doubted who You are. I’ve believed distorted things about You, and I’ve tried to take control when I felt forgotten. Today, I choose to return to the truth of Your Word. You are good, You are faithful, and You are with me. I declare that You can, You will, and even if You don’t, I will still praise You. Anchor my heart in who You really are. Amen.

Audrey Hardin is a Relationship Therapist, Speaker, and Workshop Leader at Hardin Life Resources in Dallas, TX.

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